I was just having a conversation with my coworkers about working and how it affects the family life. I haven't blogged in some time for many reasons, I have 3 kids, I have zero time, I forgot my password and now I'm working.
But today I felt inspired to talk about work. Not exactly what I do, but the actual act of leaving my house form 9-5 everyday and working away from my kids.
This is a contraversal subject to many moms. Which makes sense to me because moms are very protective of how they raise their children and also of being judged for how they raise their children. It's that terrible double standard that men never have to worry about. If they decide to stay home they are praised for their sweet, caring nature, and giving up their jobs for their families, and if they work, well that just perfectly normal, no one thinks twice about it. But women, wtf man. If we stay home some look at it as easy (ahahahahahaha), or lazy (really?) or even privileged. If we work, we are cold, uncaring and disconnected from our children. There is no winning.
So here I sit, in my cubicle, at my full time job, working (well I'm writing this blog, but I swear if I get an email or phone call I promise to respond asap - so I'm working, right?) I feel that after being out of the full time work force for 4 years, having 3 children and primarily staying at home with them and now going back to work while they are still very young I have a good frame of mind on working vs non working.
Everyone has opinions and preferences, these just happen to be mine:
Staying at home is f'ing hard! It's the hardest thing I have done that wasn't temporary (you know, that whole third trimester with twins was no cake walk). It is my feeling that emotionally and physically it is MUCH harder than working. That's not to say it isn't much more rewarding. Those giggles that I miss every day. The time Kellan reached for the nanny after I got home from work, that made me miss staying home. But now, guess what, I have a weekend that I look forward to! I get to rush home, swing open the door and squish and hug and kiss my kids so eagerly, rather than pushing them on their father the second he crosses the threshold.
Working does not define me but it inspires me. It gives me my chance to talk to adults every day, to use my mind creatively, which has always been one of my favorite ways to use my mind. It makes me feel good about what I do, and reassures me that I am more than just a mom. Not that being "just a mom" is anything to shake a stick at. When you stay home you are anything than "just a mom", you are a scheduling, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, butt wiping, busy busy woman.
Many mornings I leave for work and my heart aches saying good bye to my babes. I want one more hug, and one more smooch. I get in the car sad to leave. But after staying home for years I am so much more grateful for the time I have now with my kids. I don't feel trapped. The last thing I ever wanted was to feel trapped by my family.
I feel so blessed I was able to spend as much time with my kids at home as I did. Knowing so many women have to go back to work 6 weeks after having babies kills me. I was able to see each of my babies through their first 6 months. I was their primary care giver through their first sleepless night all the way to their routined schedule that I helped create with them. And now I'm lucky enough to have a job I love. Don't think I don't see how truly blessed I am. I think we all try so hard to be the best we can be, and under many circumstances we aren't doing to shabby!
Now, here's pictures of my adorable babes: